A Biological Guide to Betting for Super Bowl 51
The 51st Super Bowl is today and besides eating, drinking and watching football, Americans also divulge into the work of the devil. Gambling. As a child of the Lord, I will always watch the Super Bowl. The Last Supper was during the Super Bowl, so it's only right that as brothers and sisters of the Lord that we all watch the "Big Game." BUT, unlike other Americans I will not be gambling. Never had the luck. Never had the money. Always had God's love. It's not like I've never thought about it. I have and I have a full proof betting guide to the Super Bowl, ESPECIALLY this one.
Take my advice on this one. NEVER EVER bet on an animal of prey, or a predatory animal (whatever you want to call it). If you don't know what a predatory animal is, you probably shouldn't be gambling. But I'll explain anyway. A predatory animal is an animal that hunts and eats other animals, like a Carolina Panther or a Chicago Bear or an... ATLANTA FALCON. Historically, animals of prey do not fair well in Super Bowls. If you don't believe me, just look at the numbers.
Eagles: 0-2 in Super Bowls. Have strong talons and prey on mice and other rodents.
Falcons: 0-1. Also have strong talons
Panthers: 0-2. Strong jungle cat.
Jaguars: 0-1. Spotted jungle cat.
Lions: Never been in a Super Bowl. King of the Jungle.
Bears: 1-1. Bears are pretty self explanatory.
Seahawks: 1-2. Great flight ability with ferociously strong talons.
Ravens: 2-0: Cool black bird.
The Patriots have the same amount of Super Bows as all of these teams. Trust me I fucking hate the Patriots with every ounce of me. But take my advice: TAKE THE PATS.