Idiots Without Credibility

The world is stupid & we're going to tell you about it.

Multiple Elves Accuse Santa of Sexual Misconduct

Multiple Elves Accuse Santa of Sexual Misconduct

Sure, you saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus but did she consent? Multiple elves have come forward accusing Santa Clause of sexual misconduct confirming what many considered to be an “open secret” in the North Pole for some time.

Sources spanning three decades say that Santa acted inappropriately toward them while they were working at his famous toy manufacturing and distribution firm. One source says Santa would routinely make a mistletoe appear so she would have to kiss him. After she said no, Santa would attack her verbally for “lacking Christmas spirit.”

Another elf, who still works for Santa, says Santa forced him to make sex toys while the other elves made regular kids’ toys. Victims continue to come forward with detailed accounts of Mr. Claus’ disgustingly inappropriate behavior such as exposing himself to reindeer, exploiting his control of the naughty list and inviting elves into his office to find him wearing only tinsel and a bow. 

As the only toy manufacturer remaining in the North Pole, Santa holds an incredible amount of power in the toy making industry which is key for working elves. Many have said that it is “near impossible” to work in toys without Santa’s blessing. His position in the industry along with his global reputation has enabled him and his team to cover up past allegations, but elves have now been inspired to come forward following other brave victims sharing their stories as part of the Me Too Movement. 

Santa Claus and Claus incorporated could not be reached for comment. Mrs. Claus is set to appear on Ellen this week for a previously scheduled interview to discuss her and Santa’s messy divorce that was finalized only months ago. 

 

(Editor’s Note: Sexual assault and sexual misconduct are serious issues and this article is not making light of these issues. It is making a point about how common these stories have become involving popular figures due to a culture and system that has enabled such disgusting behavior. Santa is a fictional character used in this instance to show how easy it has been for people in positions of power to behave inappropriately and that has been and still is a heartbreaking reality for far too many victims that have suffered these encounters.)

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