Bachelor Recap Episode 4: "Michael Jordan Took Naps"
We left off with the straddling Corinne.
How long has Chris been doing this?
I just found out there's a blonde Danielle.
So, Nick gave Corinne the last rose, after a number of girls confronted him with concerns about her. Then Corinne gave a BS speech about how she's glad to be here and everyone deserves love. You can feel the bitch in her eyes and voice and mannerisms. It's a little bit inspiring. These two girls who just went home are so beautiful and classy and fun and they deserve love, though.
Josephine just incorrectly used the word "less."
So, you know the "We're GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!" The girls just did that but with Milwaukee Wisconsin. All the girls are going to Nick's hometown now. Nick's mom is so badass, she's a pixie cut blonde with a leather jacket NO LIE. His dad was all like, "We deadass don't want to see you on this show again you better wife up."
I honestly can't see Nick connecting with anyone yet except Danielle L: my prediction as winner. He just picked her for a one-on-one date. The girls are really upset and don't know what to do but neither would I because I would need to be number one, which is why I respect Corinne's hustle.
Nick's local bakery made "Nick-erdoodles" and they look pretty good. Now Nick and Danielle are making cookies and obviously they're shoving icing in each other's faces because what else are you supposed to do. THEY OBVIOUSLY NOW JUST RUN INTO NICK'S EX!!!!!!!!!!
"SO why do you think Nick is still on the market now?" Danielle says. Amber (lmao) answered really well making Nick look pretty good.
Apparently Nick had a lot of hook up spots around town which makes him really questionable because I really don't think he was that much of a stud. Danielle admitted to being a prude and her first kiss was when she was 17. SHE'S SO CUTE. She looks like she could be in Fifth Harmony or something. She only says the word "yeah" though. She talks like she's a job interview. She's my favorite though.
Nick just brought her to see this guy sing. Apparently he's famous. IDK him I don't listen to country music. But they got VIP access and whatnot, dancing and kissing in front of everyone.
What happens if a girl doesn't like the Bachelor? Has anyone not accepted a rose? Comment below.
"I want to be in a spa being fed a nice taco" -Corinne's response to their group date on a smelly dairy farm...again...l a c t o s e i n t o l l e r a n c e s. I also smell somethin bad on Taylor because she's a suck up but too timid and way too jealous of Corinne.
They're milking a cow and the farmer is making a joke about the girls teaching him how to squeeze the nipple... like this is really weird. Jimi ended up doing it right and Nick said "Why am I not surprised" because she revealed to him that she's been in relationships with women.....
Now they're scooping poo. Corinne left to sit down and there's an uproar from the crowd! I mean, if you know you're going to stick around and you don't want to scoop poo, then don't scoop poo I guess. But the girls believe that in order to win you gotta do stuff you hate sometimes...I don't know if I dig this concept. Where is the honesty? However, what's more important...honesty or determination? Corinne said she respects them for shoveling poopie.
They're all talking about Corinne loudly and she hears, then compares herself to corn. Vanessa's students made Nick a scrap book and holy shit this is too soon. It's cute though. But wow.
Corinne confronts the girls about the tension and Sarah who's really cool asks if she thinks she's mature enough for marriage given the fact that she slept through the rose ceremony (among other instances) Corinne said, "Michael Jordan took naps. Abraham Lincoln took naps." And then she made really weird noises.
Kristina, with the Russian accent, tells Corinne like it is and Corinne said she personally attacked her. AND THEN Kristina got the rose so now Corinne is GAME MODE. She talked to Nick about it but said everything was OK with the girls and her....(That's a lie.)
Corinne said she and Nick had an "adult convo but didn't kiss :/" She really abbreviated the word convo.
Raven meets Nick's parents on their one-on-one. They also rollerblade with little kids (Nick's little sister) (She's cute) (She's not allowed to watch the Bachelor LMAO). Raven straight up walked in on her ex cheating and she pulled the guy off the cheatee and beat TF out of him. Love her.
Corinne: Nick hasn't seen the real Taylor...but he will.
Danielle takes Nick first and Taylor freaks out AGAIN because she always has to complain.
Taylor is the worst. And Corinne can't even.
She's talkin to Corinne like the Mental Health Counsellor that she is. The conversation isn't making any sense because Taylor wants to sound smart and Corinne trying to be smarter. But it ended right there.
TO BE CONTINUED... THE FIGHT DOES NOT END. The next episode involves Corinne and Taylor's epic battle, and ONE doesn't survive THE WEEK.
Until next time.