Idiots Without Credibility

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Bachelor Recap Episode 3: "Take it off my boob"

Bachelor Recap Episode 3: "Take it off my boob"

Episode 3, the steaks are high. 

As a treat for all of us, Nick asked Sarah Palin to go home last week. 

RED FLAG: MY FIRST OFFICIAL GUESS: Danielle wins.

So, Corinne is that bitch you hate only because you regret your incredibly low level of self confidence, which increases your bitterness toward her and yourself, and then so no one is happy except for Corinne because she beat you. 

Basically she took him alone again, but this time she was only wearing a trench coat and whip cream. My first thought: What if Nick is lactose intolerant?  I know I am. How can all that heavy cream be sexy? (For a different blog, remind me.) But she wanted to have intercourse with Nick because "She [irrelevant Liz] had intercourse with him before me." But they didn't "do it" and Corinne cried because the plan didn't work. So she skipped the rose ceremony. How could she? Doesn't she respect the process??? The other girls don't seem to think so. But Nick didn't care because he waaaaants Corinne and so do I sometimes.

I actually never realized the contestants consider themselves his girlfriend, like all of them. "We're all dating the same person," said someone. "This is not dating this is waiting," said Jasmine which was pretty insightful TBH.

The Backstreet Boys showed up for the first group date of this episode and I got a little bit lit watching it. Kristin's hair was very 90s and I can't tell if she did it on purpose. So they all learned a dance to perform with The BB. Danielle and Jasmine were lit obviously and Corinne sucked and cried again. Danielle won (my prediction as winner) the challenge and they spent some cute time together and she got a rose. 

Corinne said she wasn't good at "planned dancing." (Choreography)

Someone whose name I forget, VANESSA, it's Vanessa. So Vanessa went on a one-on-one date with big Nick and they floated in one of those space things with zero gravity, which I was excited about because I just took a Solar System class and I'm pretty knowledgable about the outer space, the unknown world, Mars especially, and the cosmos themselves. So I know if I got chosen for this date I'd be spitting hella game.

Vanessa vomited though but it was ok because Nick didn't care at all and even kissed her after. I emailed the Bachelor contact people to see if they treat the contestants for herpes before. If the answer is no, I am going to ask them to start. 

"You were so supportive, even after I was nauseous." ??? Obviously, Vanessa. What is he just gonna leave you, "You know what, that was gross, sry I can't do this." ??? He has an image to keep, which you can tell he tries so hard to keep that image A+

Ok, their date was on this roof top glass ceiling (literally, not the expression) beautiful place, and all Vanessa said was, "This is so nice." I'd be like "YOOOOO NICK this shit is sick I'm low key hype right now let me get a pic real quick, hold up let me call my mom."

These girls are way too nonplussed with their surroundings. I'm like "CHECK OUT THE PILLOWS ON THESE COUCHES." And no one is saying anything about the pillows. I'm sus about it. 

I thought I liked Vanessa until the end. I'll get there. Keep reading. 

Group date two involved track and field competitions. (You can't throw me in a competition without me winning.) But so ASTRID WON BUT SHE REALLY CAME IN LAST BUT WHOEVER WAS IN FIRST PLACE DROPPED THE RING so Astrid picked it up and got to hop in a hot tub with Nick but she was still wearing her sweaty clothes and IDK I'm not a doctor but sweat alone just isn't good to linger in especially in heat let alone a hot tub I THINK? I literally twitched watching her in a hot tub in sweaty leggings. 

Dominique is cryin' because she's been in the house this whole time. So she confronted him and he was like, "You're right, so you should go home." I had no idea who Dominique was until this very moment. I feel bad because she just needed more time but TIME DOESN'T EXIST on the bachelor. Corinne knows this. 

Corinne got Nick a bounce house and brought him in there and was jumping on him and whatnot. The girls freaked out and every single one of them confronted Nick.

Raven was cool about it, she was like "IDK MAN, I'm questioning her. I'm just looking out 4 u." Jasmine was like "SHE'S 24 AND SHE HAS A NANNY." Nick was like, "For...herself?" Yes, Raquel who makes her bed and cuts her vegetables and does her laundry. 

BUT VANESSA LET.ME.DOWN. Vanessa's all on cloud nine because her date went well but honestly don't push your luck. She low key got too high strung about Corinne and that's what Corinne wants. She said she'd go home if Nick wants Corinne. Which makes sense. But still, Nick had no idea how to answer her because she brought it up very oddly. 

She mentioned how he was all up on her in the bounce house, and how she's more disappointed in him than her. He was literally like "What did I do?"

Yes, he gives her more attention but bro this show needs ratings. But I'm afraid Vanessa might go home after this because she sounded childish and scheming. If Vanessa was assertive about the right things then she would've made a lot of sense and benefitted everyone. But she was only mentioning the bounce house and how mad she was at him for going in there....Who wouldn't go in the bounce house? How often does one get to bounce??? She had potential to word it all better, but NEXT WEEK is when shit gets real. Corinne literally says she owns a multimillion dollar corporation so we should stop treating her like a child...... .... ......

Until next time for Corinne Recaps, I'm Dania. 

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