Idiots Without Credibility

The world is stupid & we're going to tell you about it.

Friday Power Rankings: SpongeBob Episodes Part 5

Friday Power Rankings: SpongeBob Episodes Part 5

Here it is. Four parts down and here is the grand finale. Every one of these five episodes could make a case for the number one spot. I am serious about that even if it detracts from the value that is the number one spot on my list. The truth is SpongeBob has produced so many classics. I wanted to make this because of my love for the Sponge. Over the years rankings have been released and episodes such as Best Day Ever and Karate Island hit the top spot. That is an utter disgrace to Hillenburg's wonderful creation. This show shaped part of the person I developed into today. Without Sponge maybe this website doesn't happen. Maybe I don't pursue comedy. I digress. Top 5. Here it is. Go.

5. Shanghaeid 

Squidward, the sky had a baby! These last five episodes are so challenging to honor because it is so difficult to not just list off quotes and scenes. So I won't just say: "The fly of despair;" "No, no it was your mother he said was dirty not your ship;" the whole three wishes debacle; "LEEDLE, LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE." This episode starts off with Patchy the Pirate explaining that this is in fact his favorite episode. Well, Patchy your opinion is somewhat substantiated here. This is the lone appearance of the Flying Dutchman on this list which does not take anything away from him as one of SpongeBob's supporting characters. Heck, he has his own world to beat in SpongeBob Battle For Bikini Bottom. The way the Dutchman is used here has been done over and over again. Think the truck scene in Dumb and Dumber . There's a tough, intimidating character who is forced to deal with (a) bumbling idiot(s). Just because it's been done before doesn't mean I'm complaining! Sponge and Pat together are at their best when they can bounce off of someone like the Dutchman who has a very specific set of ideals because SB and Pat will get in there and mess with it. Imagine Sponge and Pat hanging out with Trump just going through the motions and unwittingly revealing how ridiculous his agenda is. Or Clinton or whoever. SB holds no political allegiance. Nor do I. Unless you want me to. Oh jeeze. Quick! I'll escape through the... PERFUME DEPARTMENT.

4. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V

Every Villain is Lemons! For a long time this was my favorite episode. It is by far (no contest!) the best episode with Mermaid and Barnacle Boy. Rest in peace Ernest Borgnine. Masked behind, fittingly, the masks that the characters sport in this episode is a message that should resonate with young children immensely. Or maybe it resonates retroactively. Either way, Barnacle Boy breaks bad because he feels insignificant. He feels that despite his age and career he will always be the sidekick and the young lad. The tipping point is that he wants an adult size Krabby Patty but that's not what it really is about. He doesn't want to feel like a kid. He wants to have a bigger say in his life. How does he get everyone's attention? He lashes out! Welcome to adolescence Barnacle you rebellious rascal! Barnacle Boy actually is teaching that you shouldn't have to rebel to get attention and that sometimes you are not ready to do or be what you want. You may not buy into this but the symbolism is definitely there. One of the "evil" acts is ding dong ditching. That is a classic twelve-ish year old thing to do. On the other hand, Barnacle Boy realized the truth at the end that he was not ready for the adult Patty. He needed that experimentation of his own freedom to truly understand his dependence on those who care for him. Whatever. There is a lesson here. This episode is funny. Make-out reef. 

3. Snail Race

This is the funniest episode of SpongeBob ever. Obviously it is only number three overall but the jokes in this one can not be touched by any other fifteen minutes of Sponge. Right off the bat the jokes are flying when nobody can pronounce Squid's last name. Everything Squidward says in this episode has a witty response from SB, Pat and the mailman. This episode is so jam packed with jokes but it is so damn tight. There is no wasted line in this episode. Even the commentating to give context to the race turns into a joke because a random fan went into the booth and started broadcasting!  Then, outside of the main plot, Sandy just beats the shit outta SpongeBob for no reason! Feminism! Rocky winning in the end is also so damn ridiculous. He has nerves of steel!

  Image: Viacom

Image: Viacom

2. Chocolate with Nuts

Ah, the dream of fancy living. Don't we all envy lives of those with enough dough to rent out an entire restaurant, specifically a restaurant called Fancy  which is a ship in a bottle in the ocean. Realistically we all end up like Squidward. We may have one night once and a while to splurge and feel like a king. Then the next day we cry because the dinner we bought cost too much and we need that money to pay for our data overages. The cycle just started! That's reality folks, but at least SB and Pat tried to live that life and they did for a day. How did they get their money? Exploiting dumb consumers! Sound familiar, all of America? Sponge and Pat blatantly lie about their product to make some money which is pretty much what advertising has become so I hope you kids paid attention. The episode ends happy when that freak who keeps screaming buys all the chocolate for God knows what. Chocolate fetish people. Can't trust 'em. 

  Image: Viacom

Image: Viacom

1. Band Geeks

I may have said any of these top 5 has a case for number one, but this is the perfect SpongeBob episode. Everything I have discussed about each episode is in this one. It may not have the most laughs, but it has just the right amount of laughs and the right amount of heart. SpongeBob at it's finest has both. If you really paid attention to my descriptions about the Squidward sympathy episodes you may have guessed this was coming. The entire town gets behind their grouchy neighbor. Yes, technically it's "for the fireman!" But still. Squid got the whole town to play the bubble bowl to redeem what he believed was an inadequate social status in high school. This is the moment that every Squidward, every person, dreams about in some way or another. We should just be thankful we witnessed Squid's redemption and that is was so glorious. No! Mayonnaise is not an instrument! *crying emoji with tears not the laughing one* When the supposed band that died in a marching accident emerged from the ashes then emerged into a human football stadium we saw the greatest performance of all time. Hell of a lot better than Beyonce featuring Coldplay kind of. Beyonce may be amazing but she never put Squilliam in the hospital or put Squidward on top of the world.

  Image: Viacom

Image: Viacom

Well, that's it folks. Friday Power Rankings will now be shifting to a different topic. What is it? Who the heck knows? Seriously, this was like my one idea. 

I Have Finally Bought In To The 2016 Mets

I Have Finally Bought In To The 2016 Mets

Hulk Hogan Can Save America With A Single Leg Drop

Hulk Hogan Can Save America With A Single Leg Drop