Friday Power Rankings: SpongeBob Episodes Part 4
Call me a young David Letterman, gang. We have reached the top 10! Give yourself a gold star and then take it away and then save Roger from the broken light bulb. This event is pretty big. Bigger than the budget on Squidward's Krusty Krab commercial pitch. Which reminds me, do me a solid and take this post and push it somewhere else (share it and stuff). This is the top 10 people. If people aren't thinking about this they need to THINK AGAIN. We're closing in on the end so before I force any more Sponge references in here for literally no reason, I give you numbers 10-6. If you missed 25-11 check it out.
F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. Try it. N is for anywhere and any time at all down here in the deep blue sea. F is for fire that burns down the whole town. U is for Uranium bomb. N is no survivors. PLANKTON! Classic. If only international crises could be solved by watching this episode. Hey Obama, you have a handful a months left in office before the entire world ends. Send ISIS the DVD of this episode. Actually, on second thought, Plankton runs away at the end of the episode and still hates everyone because being bad is too much fun. Maybe that's why ISIS does this. They're bored and lonely. Side note: in my youth i remember writing a dirty version of this song. I don't remember it, but I'm sure I could write a way better one now. We'll see.
9. Pizza Delivery
Remember in Part 3 when I brought up Squidward's heart? Squid's friendship? We see glimpses of it here. This is one of those early episodes, like F.U.N., that is entertaining but really gets into the idea of friendship. Sure, SpongeBob is annoying and all, but when that guy flips out because SB forgot his diet Dr. Kelp, WHICH HE NEVER ORDERED, Squid exerted physical force on the customer in the sole display of Squid doing anything physical the entire show. Aside from the boring stuff I just said, the song, the tornado, the constant good/bad thing happening to SB and Squid respectively to build tension. It is a funny episode with, again, heart. And that is what makes (early) SpongeBob so good. It wasn't just goofy for the sake of being goofy.
8. Graveyard Shift
The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging. Yes, the hash slinging slasher. Why does Mr. Krabs want the Krusty Krab open for 24 hours? He is quoted in other episodes as not wanting to even pay for lighting in the entire store. Why keep it lit at night? Mr. Krabs is a contradiction. The dude loves money and is ridiculously cheap but only charges $1.00 for a sandwich. His entire menu is the dollar menu. I never understood that. He pretty much has a monopoly in the Bikini Bottom fast food market so why not bump up the price and make some more of his beloved dough. I always thought he should've been more like Boss Hogg. Realistically, he IS Mr. McDowell from Coming to America. Boss Hogg is from the Dukes of Hazzard. I digress. How are there no regulations being broken by the 24 hour work day of Mr. K's employees? That is some outsourced type of labor. And the walls ooze green slime. I'm done here.
7. Idiot Box
How ironic that an episode of a television show takes a shot at how kids these days (especially now 14 years after it's debut) waste their time with electronic distractions as opposed to using their imagination? Pretty damn ironic. SB and Pat order a big screen TV just to throw it away and keep the box. I'm not necessarily condoning that, but a huge box could be very fun. You could fight a battle on robot pirate island or be a football playing king in space. The best fantasy in the episode has to be when SB and Pat get caught in an avalanche and have to cut their limbs off with a saw. My word, that took a turn. Of course, the episode ends with Squidward returning to the box alone to pretend he is a race car driver. It is truly a tragic ending though. He is not capable of imagining like his neighbors. There is hope. He thinks he is believing it with sound effects and what not, but he is swindled by the garbage pick up. I subtle yet depressing reminder that innocence is lost through maturation. Yikes, that got deep. But like Squid there is a glimmer of hope for the child in us all.
6. Fry Cook Games
Yellow? Pink? Now this episode showed some fast food skills that would be worth paying someone $15 an hour or more or whatever people are campaigning for. Fry cooks doing a little javelin and shock-put and all that Olympic stuff we saw in Rio that no one really cares about. Go Phelps! The writers really played with this episode a lot. You can tell they had to have some fun with this one. Win this one for the Krusty Krab. For the Krusty Krab!. Win this one because i told you to. Because you told me to! When Patrick lands on the fryer and the grease turns a section of the crowd into the fish sticks. The single scoop strawberry cone with chocolate dip. Of course, the grand finale of this episode is timeless. MY NAME'S NOT RICK!; YELLOW! PINK! YOU DO CARE! Then SB and Pat walk out with their arms around each other fueling years of homoerotic conspiracy speculation.