Friday Power Rankings: SpongeBob Episodes Part 2
So last week I kind of forgot to post this. My bad. I realized once Friday was over, and since I named it "Friday Power Rankings" there was no way in heck I could have posted it on Saturday. I'm sure your anticipation is built up so much you can almost taste it (that's a Sponge reference, gang. I'm coming out of the gate firing on this one). Naturally, after 25-21 we go to 20-16. Here you go.
20) Something Smells
I'm ugly and I'm proud! "Something Smells" teaches young viewers many valuable lessons in this episode. First off, ketchup onion sundaes are not a great idea, especially for breakfast. Ketchup is highly acidic and chances are SB has some acid reflux problems. Second, bad breath is the worst. You can not expect anyone to respect you as a person or spend any meaningful time with you if you have stank breath. Pop in a mint. Chew some gum. Conversation is everything when it comes to quality time with other people and bad breath is never accepted. Third, embrace yourself. Get that thing off your chest and admit you're ugly if you're ugly. There is nothing worse than someone walking around looking like Golem from Lord of the Rings thinking they're a dime piece. You have to be realistic in life. Not everyone is a super model, and frankly not many people are that ugly, but you should be aware of your looks. Just don't be that weird.
19. Wet Painters
This episode highlights two recurring things that people sometimes overlook in SpongeBob. First, when executed perfectly SpongeBob and Patrick are the animated Abbott and Costello, Seinfeld and Costanza, straight man and buffoon of a generation. This episode is so tight with constant nonsense from Patrick bouncing off Sponge. "What can be worse than a giant paint bubble?" "Oh I know. Two giant paint bubbles." "I don't think this bubble can get any bigger." "Nonsense!" Perfection. When Patrick stops SpongeBob to "use technology" then hits the dollar with the computer...I can't properly express how much I love that joke. As someone who considers themselves a comedian (aspiring anyway) this is one of those episodes I look back on and I am grateful for witnessing it. The second thing that stands out, remember I mentioned earlier there were two things, is the kinky homoerotic undertones. Why does Mr. Krabs threaten to take their butts and hang them on his wall? Sounds like a little bit of 50 Shades action was in mind. That's just gross. Did I mention that one time they were going to steal Mr. K's mom's underwear?
18. Pre-Hibernation Week
First things first, the opening music to this one is Pantera. That's pretty dope. Now to the episode itself. If you think Pre-Hibernation Week at 18 is a load of barnacles... Well think again! I always enjoyed when Sponge and the gang had trouble understanding mammals. Somehow there is a dome with a tree in it that has a functioning ecosystem and that is okay, but what the heck is a hibernation? Having interacted with many a squirrel, this episode makes a ton of sense. Squirrels are annoying adrenaline junkies. Simple as that. Squirrels, bees and spiders. What's good with you? Anyway, Sandy's search party launched a string of quotable, and later meme-able, material. This episode brought us "at least I still have my personality," "Gold team rules," "Who are you people?" and, of course, the quotes I already sprinkled in throughout my little shtick here. Finally, this episode featured one of the most beloved side characters of the series. Behind the ever popular "My Leg" guy has to be the "Uh, I can explain guy." Just sitting in his home on a tricycle dressed as a child. Maybe this is the guy that should be painting Mr. Krabs's house.
17. The Campfire Episode
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-D-E 'sode. It's pretty simple when it comes to this episode. This episode belongs here for the sing-along. It doesn't need anything more, but since I've only written four sentences I'll keep going. Who would have thought that Leo DiCaprio would have won an Oscar by essentially playing Squidward? Someone should have told Leo to draw an anti-bear circle. No not an oval, a circle! The whole Sea Bear thing was so ridiculously funny, and the writers also took some good shots at tabloid magazines in this one. Above all, underneath the nonsense, this episode was yet another reminder that Squid is in fact friends with his nautical neighbors. He does care, at least enough to camp with them in his front yard.
16. Rock a Bye Bivalve
To be perfectly honest, I was never the biggest fan of this episode growing up. For some reason it never really clicked with me, but looking back it probably should have. Sponge and Pat find a baby clam. Okay, that's normal. Then they take it in themselves. Seems fine. They move in together as parents to form a nuclear family. Interesting. The best part of the whole thing has to be that out of nowhere it was assumed Patrick got a job because he declared himself the father. Sponge should've known better that Pat was just sitting around watching a guy get hit in the head with two coconuts. On a serious note, this episode bewilders me. Over the years people have claimed SpongeBob might be gay, but without identifying his sexual orientation I wonder how this episode would be received if it was brand new today. Would people view it as progressive and advocating that gay couples should have adoption more accessible to them? Would people be upset and uptight about it because it is mocking an alternative lifestyle? Would it be sexist because Patrick is the one to get a job because he's deemed the father? It's insane that I even think of this myself. It is only a cartoon, but it's 2016, gang. Someone lead me to my safe space.
That's it for this week. Next time we crack the top 15.