Why Bees Keep Killing Themselves
Bees are dying at an alarming rate. That is a fact. But everyone keeps blaming humans for this; mostly because humans are raised these days to think everything lives forever, and when something bad happens you blame everyone on the Internet and make a hashtag for it. And, woah, do bees die A LOT. According to Dan Nosowitz of modernfarmer.com, the U.S. lost 44% of honey bee colonies in 2015. That's almost half so you can imagine how many people fake care about this.
The real issue here is not that bees are dying. The real issue is we are not targeting the truth as to why. Why doesn't anyone look at bee suicide rates? Bees are dropping left and right and I am the only one thinking about the bees' problems. Bees have a stressful job. They have to pollinate all the flowers and make honey. That's the type of pressure that can definitely lead a bee down the black hole of depression. I think it's finally time to stop pointing fingers at humans and start getting these bees some counseling.
All of you bee suicide deniers are probably thinking "Why would a bee kill his or herself?" Well, I'll tell you Tristan. It's because bees are dicks, like huge dicks. You're telling me there isn't a ton of bullying in bee schools and the bee workplace? Think of how much trouble bees get into bothering humans on a daily basis. Not convincing enough? Okay, what is the arch nemesis of bees? A BEAR. Bees have absolutely zero business picking fights with a bear. That would be like me picking a fight with a BEAR (the animal, not a hairy homosexual man). Imagine how cocky and arrogant a jock bee would be to all the nerd bees if he's willing to take on either of the two bears mentioned. You're definitely going to have some low self-esteem bees.
Our only insight into bee culture is through Bee Movie. While I understand Jerry Seinfeld and Co may have taken some creative liberties, the bees in that movie were cocky dicks. If all those bees were humans they would be wearing salmon shorts on a yacht everyday for the rest of their life until they overdose on cocaine, Natty Ice and too much "swag." I want to acknowledge all of the good bees out there that deal with more stress because of these other bees that are douche-bees (just like Barry B. Benson in Bee Movie). If a good bee minding his own business buzzes by me I may swat at it. That nice bee could have a family and could just be doing his job, but bad bees give good bees a bad name. Good bees are like good cops. Not every cop shoots someone, but expecting a cop to shoot you is what sometimes leads situations to escalate. If I expect a bee to sting me I am going to fight back before he even takes his shot. I am sorry for that bees.
Final thoughts: I've never been stung by a bee, but the audacity of someone who wants to ruin your day so bad they'll kill themselves over it is yet another factor in the ever evolving topic of bee suicides. Only a huge dick would kill themselves over making someone's hand swell up a little bit, unless you're allergic then a lot a bit. How 'bout we get these bees an ego check and some Zoloft and call it a day? #BeeLivesMatter
Source: Honeybee Deaths Getting Worse: We Lost 44% of Colonies Last Year by Dan Nosowitz