Performers At Trump's Inauguration
According to a recent article from The Wrap, Trump's people are having quite the trouble with nailing down a performer or performers for the President Elect's inauguration ceremony. Here are some suggestions for who I think should, could or may very well end up performing at the Donald's Hand on the Bible Bash and So Solemnly Swear Bonanza. Remember Obama had Beyonce and Aretha Franklin. Big shoes to fill.
Why not? It's been 15 years since Shrek. And since so many people are still in shock about the election results it would be quite the troll job by Trump to blast I'm a Believer on Capitol Hill.
The "Devil Without a Cause," is most definitely eagerly waiting a call from the Trump camp about performing. You may remember this "American Badass" from his shitty music in the late 90's, the movie Joe Dirt or his newer country themed shitty music (Picture is still a good song). Recently he launched some new Trump themed merchandise on his website. Such rockin' new tees you can buy, if you're looking for some gift ideas for the family, include the one that labels states that voted red as "United States of America" and blue states as "Dumb-fuckistan," and the one that says "_onald Trump." Where is the "D" you might ask? Well, the shirt fills you in about the misprint. The "D is missing because", again this is on the shirt, "it's in every hater's mouth." It may cost $24.99 on his site but I think it is just priceless.
The crown princes of white trash. Everybody turn your red "Make America Great Again" hats to the back because Fred Durst needs to be on stage at this inauguration. You thought Woodstock 99 got out of hand? Woah, baby. Aside from the music, Durst and company hail from Florida, a key swing state that helped Donald win the election. Who better to represent the state of Florida than Limp Bizkit doing their best performance of one of their best ridiculously shitty songs? Rumor has it that Trump's camp is offering to pay cash for A-list performers, which is not customary. I'm not sure how that would translate to this band considering they do it all for the "nookie." What I do know, and this is a scientific fact, you can take that cookie and stick it up your yaehhhh. Stick it up your yaehhhh. And, one more time, stick it up your yaehh.
All three of the aforementioned artists can perform together by uniting the SUPER-GROUP CÅRGØPÅNTZ. Guy Fieri is the caterer.
Hank Williams Jr
The guy that got fired from singing "Are you ready for some football?" because he compared Obama to Hitler on television? Yea, let's see if he's available.
If he doesn't accept a cabinet position first, yeah perfect fit.
Blonde-ye is a bit of a hot take, but hear me out. He already came out and showed support for Trump. Rumors of a divorce are floating around and I can't think of a better way to really dig in as a heel before the ultimate face turn when Kim files for separation. Linda McMahon is in Trump's cabinet. Every story line counts.
Let's face it. The Trump camp is really going to want a black artist. Realistically they'll settle for anyone slightly connected to hip hop. Vanilla Ice doesn't really count, but he qualifies as "it's a stretch but yea I guess kinda if we really have to." Look at the list already and tell me this just doesn't make sense.
Just because I thought this article wasn't silly enough.
This one is actually a legitimate possibility. According to Vulture, Brooks is in talks to perform. He acknowledged to TMZ that it is a possibility. This would be a decently high profile get for Trump, and it would fit because just how Garth sings about friends in low places, Trump knows the best guys, has the best people in all types of places, the best places.