Previewing The New Year
Well guys, I’m not going to put this lightly. 2016 fucking sucked. I know on a personal level it was the worst year of my life. And just in general, I mean Jesus Christ c’mon now. Everything that went wrong seemed to go wrong, but that may just be a good thing. Seeing as 2016 was so goddamn awful, it only stands to reason that 2017 will be better, and here is a preview for the potentially great year to come.
For starters, the next movie in the new Star Wars trilogy will be coming out. After The Force Awakens brought new life to the franchise, I cannot wait to see what comes next. Seeing all the old characters continue to mesh with the new ones will be great. Luke doing jedi stuff will be a grand time. Kylo Ren continuing to duel with his father...oh wait. Han Solo is dead. Ok that’s not too bad, we can still see how big bad Kylo deals with his mother. It should make for a great standoff in the final movie in the trilogy between the two family memb... wait shit. Carrie Fisher died. That means if they didn’t kill her off in the 8th movie...okay let's step away from Star Wars.
For the first time in 8 years the USA will have a new president. With a nation seemingly more divided than ever, maybe the new president can...I’m sorry I can’t even continue that joke. Donald Trump may just be THE MOST polarizing president in American History. But hey he seems to have made an ally. Russia hacked our election to help The Donald, so now we have Putin as a friend. That’s cool, right? Right??? The Cold War is over, and now we don’t need so many nu... nope, he tweeted he wanted an arms race. God fucking damn it. Well at least maybe Trump will yell “You’re Fired” to the nukes as he launches them starting a nuclear winter to promote his new show “The Apprentice: Nuclear WasteLand Edition”.
Ok politics will be just as fucked if not more than the year before. Ok let’s see. So many good people died last year, so I’m sure that can’t happen again. Who knows, maybe 2017 will do us all a favor and finally kill Rob Schnieder. No more cameos in Adam Sandler movies for you. But another year passing means Betty White gets another year older bringing her closer to death. No, don’t take her from us 2017.
There’s got to be something good coming in 2017. Technology will continue to take human jobs, nope. The UK still out of the EU, nope. Humans will continue to destroy the very place we call home, nope. The radio will still play the same 3 songs on every station, nope. Student fucking loans, nope. Well, fuck. It looks like 2017 has the potential to be just as bad as 2016 if not worse. Yo Mayans, where’s the end of the world you promised us in 2012, we are waiting for our mercy killing.
New year, new things to cry about because everyone's life is a joke love is an illusion everyday brings you closer to death just give up— Mistah Jimbo (@Cant_Stop_Jim) December 31, 2016