Goldar: Below the Gold Standard
When images of what Goldar looks like in the new Power Rangers Movie dropped yesterday I was not pleased. I wanted to voice my opinions yesterday, but friends have told me my past few articles were written rather aggressively. Wanting to break that trend, I took the night to sleep on my ideas, and now I feel I can calmly voice my opinions. Anyone who has seen what Goldar looked like in the show can easily spot the differences between it and the movie version. And while they may not look alike, the movie Goldar has the potential to be… I’m sorry I can’t fucking do this. Saban, Lionsgate, what the actual FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO THIS MOVIE.
If y’all read my article reviewing the trailer you know exactly how I feel about this movie. If you haven’t fucking read it it is pure gold. Speaking of pure gold, why the fuck does Goldar look like nothing but melted gold with wings. Literally, that is all the piece of shit looks like. Listen, I get it if they wanted to go for a more alien looking henchman for Rita but why this? Why make such an iconic villain the Power Rangers face look this stupid? The original Goldar was a badass looking mother fucker with black feathers on his wings, huge fangs and blood red eyes. The new one looks like it’s being sponsored by Velveeta. This movie continues to just shit on my childhood. If you’re a Power Rangers fan and think this Goldar looks good please do us all a favor and go play in traffic. Or better yet, go do some fucking flips on the top of a moving train like they do in the damn trailer. A monster that’s just melted gold is not cool. It’s not hip. It’s not alien looking. It’s pure bullshit and just an excuse to sell toys to children. Toys that look like you left them on a hot stove.
Will the movie Goldar surprise us and be an awesome villain who gives the rangers serious problems in the movie? Fuck no, this Goldar is going to be the equivalent of what the movie The Last Airbender was; a complete and utter disgrace to an awesome show. I’ve now given up all hope for this movie. Fuck you Saban. Fuck you for ruining the last good thing in my life.