Canadian Cops Will Torture Drunk Drivers with Nickelback
Wow, the Mounties are not fuckin' around this time. Say what you will about Canada being all happy-go lucky with their leaves and syrup but this right here is down right cruel. Here is a screenshot of a Facebook post, that has since been deleted or at least cannot be accessed, explaining how the Kensington Police will not only give you the per-usual charges for a DUI but will also subject you to something so cruel it has not even been attempted at Guantanamo Bay. ISIS has yet to even fall this far. The Kensington cops will force you to listen to Nickelback on the ride to jail.
This undoubtedly would violate the Geneva convention if these were prisoners of war. This is just cold-hearted. Shivers, I GOT SHIVERS, upon reading this. How can we as humans stand to allow something so diabolical, so inhumane to be threatened. If anyone, and I mean ANYONE, drives under the influence up there this holiday season they may as well get the death penalty. If it was me I'd take a firing squad or the electric chair over Nickelback any day. Lethal injection? A breeze compared to the song Photograph.
I like how they specified "unopened copy of Nickelback." I immediately thought of being interrogated for murder in one of those rooms with a gray desk and dim lighting (We've all seen Law and Order). Then right when you think they won't break you, they take out the CD. They tear just the smallest piece of plastic off of the case and you crack! I'd confess to being Son of Sam at that point. Pin every murder in history on me. Listening to Rockstar can not be risked. I'd pray to be water boarded while my finger nails are being removed then to be subject to Chad Kroeger.
So, I'd like to congratulate the Kensington police. They have made their jobs easier by undoubtedly securing that nobody will be driving a moose on their ice roads after a sip of hard cider for the foreseeable future. They've also potentially saved lives. But who would've thought that a small Canadian police force would have been the first to utilize the most vile form of torture the human race has ever developed. I just hope that no country weaponizes this method. That may be the end of all civilization as we know it.
P.S. If you like Nickelback you're a psychopath. I'll give you the song How you remind me because they fooled us all with that one but after that, check into a psych ward.