Idiots Without Credibility

The world is stupid & we're going to tell you about it.

Thanksgiving Appropriates Pilgrim Culture

Wow. Oh, boy. I am so triggered. Thanksgiving? We are going to celebrate Thanksgiving?! This is 2016! I thought we were past this as a culture, as a country. We need to stop immediately. We need to stop appropriating Pilgrim culture. One, because how dare we appropriate them. That is disgusting. ("What exactly is appropriation?" "Shuttup you bigot!"). Second, Pilgrims were so offensive. If you look back at the Pilgrim laws in Pilgrim town they said that Trans people couldn't wear the belt buckle hats that they wanted. You had to wear belt buckle hats according to what is on your birth certificate. I believe Pilgrim Town was in North Carolina. Pilgrim Town is also definitely one hundo percent a real place from real history. Here's how you know you're appropriating Pilgrim culture:

Disease

If you do so little as sneeze without covering your mouth you are a culturally insensitive bigot. Without covering your mouth you are spreading germs, infections and disease. Everyone knows that was the Pilgrims like favorite thing to do. Just sneeze all over Native Americans. That was like baseball for them. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. It took until the swine flu outbreak in 2009 for schools to teach students to cough into your elbow. The pilgrims didn't have the technology that we have today. People didn't grow elbows until after Vietnam. This is all accurate. Catch me on the History channel.

Parade Floats

Thanskgiving Day parade floats are an abomination. Why must we exploit how Pilgrim's traveled to this country? Floating on the water in boats! These floats don't even float on anything. They are driven down the street. I'm trying real hard to remain calm, here. But it's so hard. 

Attire

If you wear a belt to Thanksgiving dinner you're an asshole. Not only are you utilizing a buckle, you have moved it from your hat to your pants. Appropriating the Pilgrim hat to your privelegded pants. I want to projectile vomit.

Global Warming

Global warming is a prime Pilgrim culture ideal. Have you ever seen a picture or painting of Pilgrims wearing jackets? Nope. Because the globe was warming. 

Beer

All you hipsters drinking IPA's on Thanksgiving need to check your privilege. Indian Pale Ale? Try NATIVE AMERICAN Pale Ale. You all disgust me. 

The Scarlet Letter

This book sucked. It's a little post Pilgrim but it sucked.  

Mike Pence

Look at this human ass face and tell me he isn't a real life Pilgrim. We have appropriated the position of Vice President. 

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It would not surprise me if he is a real Pilgrim sent to infiltrate the country as revenge for years and years of disrespect for the Pilgrim lifestyle. 

Being Thankful

Being thankful and the idea of being thankful is sooo a Pilgrim ideal that we are appropriating. We, as a whole, are not thankful for anything ever. Embrace that. Don't try and dedicate a day to being thankful. We should dedicate a day for distaste. It's way more gratifying. Disliking something is way more satisfying than being thankful. Just think of the last week or so. The right hates the left. The left hates the right. People hate Trump. People hate people that hate Trump. People hate people that like Trump. It's exciting. It's invigorating. If anything just be thankful that we are not thankful for anything at all. 

Whatever. Happy Thanksgiving.

 

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